I was talking on the phone with a guy I met online recently when a familiar attitude popped up. It was our first conversation; the 'get to know you' call. Always a little awkward, particularly since we hadn't exchanged many emails. I have been using my brother's computer because my trusty laptop is in the shop. Unfortunately, his computer screen gives me a headache. I was just about to sign off when this fellow messaged me, so I thought rather than cutting him off we could just move it to the phone - and we did :)
The call started off pretty good * for a first call with a virtual stranger * but then I noticed a behavior that I have experienced with men in the past. I would make mention of something that I observe in my own life, my own experiences, and he would disagree with my observations.
Example:
When he asked me why I was single I told him that I think I am attracting men who tend to be more of a 'follower' than a 'leader' because I have masculine energy. * This isn't anything negative about the men I have dated, this is just an obseravation about how I might be sabotaging my own love life * My favorite matchmaker, Patty Sanger, has said this to women on her show "Millionaire Matchmaker" many times. She says that women who are aggressive and have strong personalities have taken over the male role in their own lives, therefore men who are Alpha tend to be less attracted to them. BUT, men who are less Alpha are drawn to them (strong females) because they possess the direction that those men are lacking in their own personalities. * Makes sense to me * I am living this very scenario in my own life. I desire a strong, Alpha male to take the lead in our romantic life, but I don't attract Alpha males. * In fact, I think I repulse them * When I told the fellow I was talking to this he said, "I disagree". * Huh????? * "To what?" I asked. He said that what I said isn't true. He never gave a very clear reason why he would tell me my own life experience wasn't happening, but said that HE was an Alpha male, so that was proof that my observation was wrong. * Uh, ok. *
Shortly after this exchange the subject turned to jobs; employment and lack there of. I said that I am finding it strangly difficult to find a management position in my career field - property management - and I think it is because I am starting to 'age out'. I am getting 'too old'. He disagreed again. ????? I said, "How would you know? Are you in property management?" (I already knew he wasn't). He said "No, but I have held many management positions and that isn't true". Hmmm...so if I manage a McDonalds does that now mean I am an expert on how Donald Trump hires for management positions in his organization? Since I have managed for twently years, do I have superior insight to all industries and their hiring practices? Does this man, having been a 'Manager', know more about an industry that I have spent 20 years working in than I do? * Yeah, that is a tad aggressive, masculine energy...taking a breath here *
What I took away from our conversation was that some men * I said some * either believe they know everything (even when they don't); feel the need to sound like an expert on a topic they know little (to nothing) about because they think that is an example of 'Alpha' behavior; or they have a problem validating a woman's point of view and/or life experiences. This isn't the first time I have felt as though what I am saying is being dismissed by the male I am talking to. Instead of asking me questions or trying to understand my point of view, I am immediately told I am wrong and it is explained to me why. More often than not, I am then schooled on the topic we are discussing because obviously after living 45 years on this earth I really know nothing and need someone to tell me 'how it is', even if they have absolutely no experience with the subject we are discussing and I do.
Let us not forget, this conversation all stemmed from a personal dating site, where I went to meet a potential honey. The whole reason for the call is to get acquainted to see if we have enough in common to even meet in person. I have to wonder how this man thinks by disagreeing with most of what I say is going to make me think we would be compatible? I know this is crazy, but I generally feel closer to men who seem to understand me. If anyone (not just a man) treats what I have to share as though it has no validity whatsoever, I tend to back away - not get closer. I want to connect with someone. What kind of connection do you have with a person who doesn't seem value anything you have to say?
Remember the golden dating rule: A little validation can go a long way.
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