Sometimes I wonder if there is a point at which you have been a single person for so long that becoming an 'unsingle' person is nearly impossible. Not that there are no available single people to attach yourself to, because certainly there is a small pool of middle aged 'availables' left. It is that you (or I) have become so accustomed to being on your ( our) own that integrating your life with another person, or even just giving up more than two weekends in a row to spend time with someone, becomes almost a burden. That must sound horrible, particularly because I am forever stating that I am 'tired of being single', but I am the first to admit that I tend to be very territorial about my personal time. I don't mind giving it up here and there to share it with another, but when I feel like I am required to make time for someone other than my daughter, Fynn, I can get a tad resistant - even resentful about it. My life these days is extremely busy, so quiet 'me' time is precious.
The last couple relationships I have been in happened very quickly. By the third 'date' - all of which occurred within a time span of 10 days - I was spending every single weekend and some week nights after work - dinner, a drink, hanging out, whathaveyou - with that person. That is a lot of 'me time' thrown out the window. At first it was fun because I tend to have long droughts of singleness, but by weekend three the novelty had worn off and I was ready to hit the bookstore in silence with only my 'Hello ' mag rag and a Cafe Ole' to keep me company. Every part of my being was screaming for solitude by week 5. Within a five week span I went from 'If I don't find a man soon a I will die of loneliness" to "I wish I could just BE ALONE . I'm schizophrenic obviously * my other self just told me that * I am hoping it is really just a combination of needing to find the right person and the right speed for jumping back into the 'we' pool again. It would suck to find out that I'm just crazy.
what did u say
Posted by: info | 03/29/2013 at 05:02 AM